2022

2022, you are brutal
You kill me
You despise me
And make me feel
As if everything I did
Wasted
My efforts
My hard earned
Back to square one

2022, thank you
For a raise
I didn't deserve
You challenged me
Bombarded with
Struggle
And Over-time
But that's what
Growth demands


2022, you're still here
Laughing at me
While I rant
But I ain't giving up
Beyond limits I
Rise
& Shine
My silver lining
On the other side

Gold

It's difficult explaining anybody why I must stay aloof
For nobody gets how I need to keep my heart safe
How important it is to not let it break
To not let any stranger create a wreck

I already got too much in my head space
My heart breaking with familiar ache
Ruins of days that still walk past by
Memories that never say goodbye

I don't know if anyone is capable of holding
The heart so tender a thing that it is
You need to be truly a man to know
How to hold a heart of gold

Streets Of Dalidovinds

In the miniatures of mirage
the hot sands, the gusty winds
He was an ocean I discovered
Midway of deserted Dalidovinds

In darkest atmosphere
In fear, in spooky blends
He was the light I received
To help me strive till the end

The one who stood by
In happiness, in sorrows
He was the silent keeper
In emptiness, in hollows

He was a wonder to know
An illuminating soul, untamed
He's all I loved too much
A thousand smiles in his name







Originally written in 2014

Lilies

Everytime I pull myself up
You come knocking with lilies
I peep through the keyhole
And I know how I love it

I'd been longing for flowers
you sell the best ones too
I abstain opening the doors
For I'd stopped buying from you

The last time you traded
roses full of thorns
Has still got me bruises
From things I still adorn

Yet I open the door
End up buying those lilies
Through my bleeding hand
Creeps in the willies

Feeling Dark?

“Life is difficult. I had never expected it to be so beautiful and yet so brutal at the same time. Sometimes, I feel like ending. First, because I believe I have had my best, that thereโ€™s no more good left to feel, or experience. The best has already happened, and anything less would be injustice to myself.

Nothing can replace โ€˜the bestโ€™, right? And anything you get next, is like a compromise, itโ€™s like the second best, itโ€™s like less. And I do not want less. I do not want the next. I just need the best!

I do not wish to be explicit; I just want to pour out what it feels tonight. My greatest of fears is advancing. It feels like someoneโ€™s putting a knife on your chest, and you bleed tears, and yet you smile, because you must! Itโ€™s like imagining yourself destroying lives and then thinking that the world could do better off without you.

I just wanted to write this down, because this will stay, these emotions are strong enough to make a firm presence. I wish to come back to it, after years and see if it made sense, my fears and how my future self is going to face it. I just want to tell her, this will end. Life is just too small for the sufferings to last longer than you deserve to be in. I love you a lot, I love the person you are, and I love what you have done. I know it all, and it does make sense.” 

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PS: I have felt this way and to anyone feeling the same, I just want to tell you, I love you, you’re precious. Things will be good. They’ve been for me. And they’ll be good for you too :’)

Edit 1: It’s almost 1.5 years, and I came back here just to say that things do change. I want to remind my older self that it is useless contemplating the things that hurt you over and again in your head, ’cause no matter what, if it is bound to happen it will happen. However, you do not know how it happens. In what circumstances. So, never play a situation in your head any more than needed. You never know things may turn out absolutely different. Just live in the present and focus on living it fully, wholeheartedly, and compassionately. When you actually face it, you will be so much liberated. And trust me, you are stronger than you think you are.