Running Train of Thoughts

The human heart is so tender, it fights all monstrous thoughts to keep off the pain that once near, can cut it inside out. So it goes this way. It tries to convince you that the thing you do not have, is not even worth it. You make yourself believe you do not care or are good without it, tricking and manipulating your impotent mind. And then there is this emotional storm that evades all possible barriers you built inside in a go. Everything you built up, washes away with the surge tides. It’s bare now, everything as transparent as your naked heart and soul. And then your heart cries in pain. Because it knows what it wants, but it doesn’t know how to stop feeling the way it feels. It’s brutal you know.

Staying busy, stashes these thoughts somewhere I can’t access. However, when I get some ‘me time’, which is thankfully only on the weekends, it gets difficult to avert them from evading my space. Tonight is one such day of days, and I am not thinking straight.
So I thought I’d rather write them down here and let them go, while I take on another round of work to keep my head busy thinking elsewhere.

The Smile Behind the Twinge

I met Preeti the day before

She's cute, beaming a big wide smile

The innocence that trips from her face

Is a rare jewel that stays with her upright

"Where do you live?", I ask

"Here itself" a quick response

Her next question confused me

"You have your parents?", she asked

I said, "no sweet kid, not here

They are back at home"

"Do you live with your parents?"

Very boldly she said, "no"

Her voice wasn't weak or shaky

When she said her father died

And mother got remarried

And her new dad, 'bad dad', left her here

She pointed to the cook

"He's my brother, I live with him

He bought me a dress during dussehra, did you celebrate?"

Oh her bright eyes, I climbed upstairs with a smile

Saturday Morning Feelings!

Yesterday when you mentioned the guy
Well, I wasn't surprised

See I know you love me I'm rare
I'm lucky to have you lil' bear

I share my tiny details of life with you
'Cuz I know you deserve to know

So it didn't kill me when you hid updates
'cause I've been there back in the date

Yes I am angry and I won't show
Just the way you didn't let me know

You've lost the right to yell at me
when I forget to tell you things

We promised to tell each other everything
Oh! What a lie I've been living

So maybe one day you come through this (which you won't)
I hope things be better than what it's now

And go read his poems ask me to explain the verse
When you never bother to cross my blogs

Best friends fight you should know
I just have a different way to show

It's all on the surface I know you love me and I love you
But if I'm not your priority then you shouldn't show!

High Hope

I don’t wanna die as yet

Even though I prayed for it last night

I think I was not in the right state of mind

I am swimming in the sea of despair

I know I will come out of it stronger

And I believe in my God, he will save me

I believe that all this won’t go to waste

Ad being patient today will take me to a place

That is free from endless crying and laments

That is free of darkness, abuses, and blames


It's warm here
Yet it doesn't stop to rain
There's storm too
But that's just in the head

It gets heavy
so the cloud bursts open
Thunder and lightening
damage the cables

For damaged doesn't work
I try not to think
soon it'll be
time to get up

Never The Same

It's so dangerous
It's so frightening 
I am not going there 
Just leave me here

I can't see it's so dark
the demons dancing 
I cry for help I shout 
No words coming out

I don't wanna live like this
It just feels so wrong
Why do I feel the way I do
God, please, guide me through 

It's dark out there
I am not going there
I just want to dissappear 
And never exist in fear

Is it too much to ask for?