I often contemplate the past
then go about ruminating the future
as if everything could last
I hum and haw to the musings
then fast forward to a dark vestige
in search of broken wings
It's much of a wandering
this time is so perfect to write
about imperfect endings
Category: Emotions
I have too many shits to give already
I don’t intend to give no more
Gone is the time when every little critique
Pricked me right to the core
I burn in fumes for a second
It pinches as it should
Yet I don’t let myself succumb to it
I save my fuel for the good
I remember the time I’d waste
Over guilts, mind at war
I rather be calm than impulsive
I know it’s not worth anymore
I’m trying to overlook harsh words
When it haunts back too loud
I put them in a poem
Someday I’d read out aloud
I know there’s no ill intention
But words are powerful my friend
They cut through and heal
They're everything you do or don’t intend
I don’t know This ain’t new This strong endorsement That I have for you I mean I open your chat Enter the text box I have so many things to say Connect all those dots I run back to my pages To structure my thoughts But they still lay impatient Scuffling to unbox I close my eyes It’s the same old smile I came too far for this Need to walk an extra mile You are in my search list I don’t like to archive You are in the records I would play while I drive I gush through anecdotes That I wish were true You are my affirmation When I’m misconstrued You are the trophy Won in toughest battles You are the treasures I need to build my castle I still don’t know It’s been more than an hour I’ve got so much to say Maybe next time, with some flowers
Image by A_Different_Perspective from Pixabay
Ever felt the pressure? 'Give-up songs' in repeat? For I have lately been In places I've never foreseen In darkness that is now comfortable In nothingness that's now sweet
“Life is difficult. I had never expected it to be so beautiful and yet so brutal at the same time. Sometimes, I feel like ending. First, because I believe I have had my best, that there’s no more good left to feel, or experience. The best has already happened, and anything less would be injustice to myself.
Nothing can replace ‘the best’, right? And anything you get next, is like a compromise, it’s like the second best, it’s like less. And I do not want less. I do not want the next. I just need the best!
I do not wish to be explicit; I just want to pour out what it feels tonight. My greatest of fears is advancing. It feels like someone’s putting a knife on your chest, and you bleed tears, and yet you smile, because you must! It’s like imagining yourself destroying lives and then thinking that the world could do better off without you.
I just wanted to write this down, because this will stay, these emotions are strong enough to make a firm presence. I wish to come back to it, after years and see if it made sense, my fears and how my future self is going to face it. I just want to tell her, this will end. Life is just too small for the sufferings to last longer than you deserve to be in. I love you a lot, I love the person you are, and I love what you have done. I know it all, and it does make sense.”
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PS: I have felt this way and to anyone feeling the same, I just want to tell you, I love you, you’re precious. Things will be good. They’ve been for me. And they’ll be good for you too :’)
Edit 1: It’s almost 1.5 years, and I came back here just to say that things do change. I want to remind my older self that it is useless contemplating the things that hurt you over and again in your head, ’cause no matter what, if it is bound to happen it will happen. However, you do not know how it happens. In what circumstances. So, never play a situation in your head any more than needed. You never know things may turn out absolutely different. Just live in the present and focus on living it fully, wholeheartedly, and compassionately. When you actually face it, you will be so much liberated. And trust me, you are stronger than you think you are.
Unchained 