I had reached the very phase of my adulthood that kept me from doing the things I ought to be doing. Yes, there was a lack of urge to do. To be. To feel.
I think I lacked a push, a trigger that could mold me today for a better tomorrow but stimulus ain’t no magic wand. Or maybe they weren’t strong enough for me to hold on to my beliefs. I wasn’t focusing. Not at all. I was reluctant to even start because it always felt like I have already missed behind something important. It didn’t come from the inside, the voice that would tell me reasons for my existence, for the reasons I belong here, all went into mutism.
And then I understood this. I don’t really need to do it right. I just need to do something. It will eventually turn alright. Yesterday was the day-1. I had a good day. Some disappointments, some regrets and an urge to do something better today! I do not care if I have my exams tomorrow; I’m doing what I love and I’m so in love with what I’m doing.